Dating Advice at Cupid.com

Articles by Lisa Daily

Who can you turn to for answers to your toughest questions about romance, dating and relationships? Looking to just find a date? Perhaps it's best to seek advice from Cupid.com's Director of Love for unbiased, no punches pulled advice.

This Week's Question:

Dear Lisa,

Goodness, you must receive so many of these...

Here's my story: I am a 40-year-old woman married to a 40-year-old guy (13 years.) We have three children. One month ago he admitted to having an affair for the last year.

After many ice cream bowls, I've come to terms that our marriage is over, yet he is still sexually active with me and he still tells me he loves me.

This other girl lives in another city where he must go for business one weekend every other week (which is this weekend.) He had promised (since I found out the affair) that since there were no more secrets, I would at all times be able to reach him on his cell phone.

All of a sudden, I am trying to reach him on his cell but realized that he had turned it off... making it impossible for me to reach him. Of course I am going insane - what if something happens to the kids? I know for a fact that this is a jealousy issue with the other woman.

He turned off his cell phone, therefore if one of the children gets sick or something, I can't reach him.

We are separating, but have to sell the house first, then I will be able to buy my own home and start becoming a dreamgirl. He is back Sunday night, but I cannot accept that I can't reach him until then. I think there should always be a way to communicate in case of an emergency.

Is there any way I can trick them into dumping each other in order for me to have peace of mind? Or should I book a room at the asylum?

Thank you for your response. And please write another book...

I'm The Wife, But I Feel Like The Other Woman

Cupid.com's Director of Love responds:

Dear Wife,

I know it's difficult, but don't make yourself crazy because he's turned off his cell phone.

He's a jerk. And, if something were to happen with one of your children, you would handle it, just as you probably always do.

He's clearly not thinking about anyone but himself, so he'd probably not be much help in an emergency situation anyway.

This turning-off-the-cell-phone issue just proves that he lies. Which, you already knew, right?

That said, it's important to remember that you can't control what he does, you can only control how YOU react to it. Get yourself out of that horrible situation as quickly as possible, and in the meantime, try not to let it make you crazy. You can start becoming a dreamgirl right now. Make sure you do something every week to pamper yourself (you REALLY deserve it!) and don't accept poor treatment. (you really DON'T deserve it.) Also, let your girlfriends support you. I want you to arrange a lunch or evening out (hire a babysitter, don't depend on Mr. Undependable), head to a friend's house, and spill your guts. Keep yourself together for your kids, and your female friends will most certainly help you through this.

You asked about a way to break the two of them up - don't give it another thought. Let her have him. Why? 90% of people who cheat in a marriage do it more than once. Which means, if you did pry him away from her, he'd probably cheat on you AGAIN in a few years anyway. Why sign on for round 2? Or round 8? Also, on the off-chance that he and the tramp he's sleeping with actually do decide to become a couple, there is a 95% chance they'll get divorced. -- Why? If he cheats on you, he'll cheat on her. Statistically speaking, it's practically guaranteed. That's Karma, girl. (Of course, if she is ALSO cheating on someone, there's an almost 99% chance the relationship will end in divorce.) Double Karma.

Keep your head up, and find a good attorney, pronto. At the very least, maybe she/he can get your jerk of a husband out of the house while you're trying to get it sold. There's no reason why this should be any harder on you and your children.

There's one last thing that bothers me about your letter. Stop having sex with him. Since the marriage is indeed over, it will only serve to make you feel worse while he continues to see the other woman. It's not good for you, and it won't get him back. And from a safety standpoint, it's just not smart - you don't know anything about this other woman's sexual history, and your husband has made it difficult for you to trust in his. Don't risk further damage to your heart or your body.

Best wishes, dreamgirl.

I'm pulling for you.

Kisses,
Lisa

Lisa Daily is Cupid.com's Director of Love and author of "Stop Getting Dumped! All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry 'The One' in 3 years or less." As seen in/on Cosmopolitan, The Other Half, Howard Stern, and HITCH: On The Set.

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