Dating Advice at Cupid.com

Articles by Lisa Daily

Who can you turn to for answers to your toughest questions about romance, dating and relationships? Looking to just find a date? Perhaps it's best to seek advice from Cupid.com's Director of Love for unbiased, no punches pulled advice.

This Week's Questions:

Hi Lisa,

Do you have any advice regarding women's divorce histories? I am looking for police reports filed by and asset division information for past divorces of perspective dates. I want to know how bad she screwed or tried to screw her ex-husband. It seems that there must be records filed that can be accessed via the web. This would weed out many women I already know, and I would not waste my time even corresponding with these gold-diggers and irate irrational females. It takes several emails to even get a hint of these personality types. Actually, it would be nice to find such information on the friends of the woman as well. From my experience, women, in general, take the advice of their friends more so than men. In fact, most men I know rarely act on relationship advice from friends.

Thanks,
"Too Many Bad Apples"

Cupid.com's Director of Love responds:

Dear Breakup,

Boy, I can feel your pain from here.

Sorry, I don't know where you could obtain the type of information you're looking for, other than by hiring a private investigator. That said, it sounds like you've had a horribly nasty, and recent divorce. I think you should consider holding off on dating for a while, until you're able to work through some of your feelings. Remember, like attracts like. As long as you're feeling this angry, raw and bitter, you're going to attract others who are angry, raw and bitter. Once you start to work through some of those emotions, and find yourself looking for a woman who will love and cherish you, rather than just trying to find one who won't screw you over, you're going to attract a much healthier, more loving relationship.

I'm sure you're a great guy, and your instinct is probably to get right back on the horse, but you really need time to heal.

Yes, there are a lot of awful women in the world. But there are also a lot of amazing, fantastic ones as well. Your ex is one woman. Not all women. Be the kind of man you want to be, and you attract the kind of woman you want to be with. It's that simple. As long as you hold on to all of this anger, you're going to attract more of the same.

I'm pulling for you.

Best wishes,
Lisa

Dear Lisa,

I've heard of a tricky Internet dating situation occurring when older fellows are involved (45-50). After a suitable number of emails the fellow says to the woman, "Here's my telephone number if you'd like to call me."

Or after a suitable number of phone calls he says, "If you'd like to go out sometime, call me." As you can see, the tricky part is he's asking the woman to take the lead.

Does that mean he's a gentleman or not interested enough to do the work?

Thanks,
"Tricked Out"

Cupid.com's Director of Love responds:

Dear Tricked,

Maybe both.

Many women (including myself) still expect guys to take to take the initiative when it comes to dating. Why? We're attracted to those confident, self-assured, guy's guys who know what they want and aren't afraid to go after it. We want someone who is our match, not our lapdog.

Would all the girls have swooned over Prince Charming if he had hunkered down in the castle, waiting by the phone for Cinderella to retrieve her glass slipper? No.

Why do some men feel the need to pass the phone? Two reasons, either they really aren't that interested, but they'll date you if you chase after them, hoping for sex before they move on, or they're insecure about dating, and afraid to put themselves out there. Maybe he's gone through a nasty breakup. Maybe he's not sure that you like him. Maybe he's just too insecure to handle the possibility of rejection. Or maybe he's trying to be polite, and give the woman an out if she's really not interested.

Whatever the reason, this phone/email version of the "bait and switch" is a variation of what I like to call "The Card Trick" that started happening a few years ago: A guy would meet a woman at a bar or party, and then instead of asking for her number, he'd simply hand her his business card and say, "give me a call if you want to get together."

The solution to the Card Trick, is actually the same solution to the problem you're facing. Send it right back to them. If a guy hands you his card and says, "let me know if you want to go out," simply write your phone number on the back of the card and hand it back to him. Then, the ball is back in his court, he has your number (and he can make the assumption from that that you actually would like to date him) and you no longer have his. The same thing applies if he asks you to call him for a date by phone or in an email.

When he says, "If you'd like to go out sometime, call me" you can simply give him your number, smile and reply, "Or, you could call me." If he really wants to date you, he'll make the call.

Kisses,
Lisa

Lisa Daily is Cupid.com's Director of Love and author of "Stop Getting Dumped! All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry 'The One' in 3 years or less." As seen in/on Cosmopolitan, The Other Half, Howard Stern, and HITCH: On The Set.

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