Dating Diary, Installment 4: Busted
 Have you ever had one of those days where everything that could go wrong does? I've had one of those days and it totally bites!
As I drift off to sleep I can't help but to think about having a spicy date. Its starts off rocky because I'm like 20 minutes late and I haven't even applied the second layer of shellac to my face! Where are my shoes? Oh, no am I sweating?! My curls are falling!! Could anything else go wrong?! Ding-dong... it's the doorbell - he's here!
My crazy day started off as usual-I'm 5-10 minutes late for work and from there it went down hill. After listening to all 30 messages from 10 different clients I have to ask…is it necessary for the same person to leave the same message like 4 times?! I then check my work email- no surprise there, I've been spammed by Viagra, low mortgage rate offers and office supply ads and by the time I get done sending those to the junk folder I am left with nothing in my inbox. I check another "work related" email to see what Santa's brought his good girl. Now we're getting somewhere… there are like 40 emails! No spam, just 100% real deal discount coupons, Fifi & Romeo catalog sales (for the discriminating pet owner), favorite E-Bay seller's updates, GAP blowout sale extravaganza and, most importantly, Cupid mail!
I quickly browse my Cupid mail just to see who's sending them-after all I am at work. Ok, while attempting to log on to read my messages I get like 5 instant messages. I go with it and start conversations with all five. Yeah-woman are superior at multi-tasking. So, I'm mindlessly chatting away when I get a call from my secretary telling me one of my clients is waiting anxiously in the reception area for me. Now, since you typically need an appointment to see me I figured this was only going to take a minute since she had no appointment. As it turns out she is totally in crisis, so without hesitation I take her in my office and listen to her fragmented rambling.
At some point out the corner of my eye I see the cursor moving across my screen-but I'm not touching the mouse! I can't pay attention to it because my client needs my attention but I must log out. If you're someone that knows anything about computers-you know the only time your cursor moves without your guidance via the mouse is because someone is remotely controlling it. Realizing that our company IT guy must be tinkering around I freaked quietly in my head because that means he is reading my IM's!!!
I casually close each communicator box and true to Cupid they keep popping up as the individuals type more. I'm so screwed right now that I just hold the start button on my computer to shut down completely. Phew!! I resolved my client's conflict and she left. I restart my computer and the phone rings… it's the IT guy he tells me to hold off on anymore love notes while he downloads new software on our system. He was cool about it… we laughed and hung up. Again, I'm thinking close call but delirious from no morning coffee and going on my fourth day with the nicotine patch I ignorantly log back onto Cupid to just read my messages. By now its past lunch time.
My brain sadly identifies the fact that I have spent most of my day messing around online. Part of my forehead above my eye is starting to throb from a hunger-induced migraine I have, so I reach into my lower desk drawer to get some Advil. As I close the drawer I am distracted by my cell phone ringing and slam four fingers, excluding the thumb in the drawer as it closes. The pain shot up my arm causing me to jerk my fingers up and look down toward the drawer. As I leaned toward the drawer I hit my head on the corner of my desk which totally made me yell out Mother#@$%@#!! While swearing like a sailor my boss flies in, comes around my desk to help me. As I look at him I see he is looking at the obvious knot on my forehead. Then I see his eyes pan to my monitor. He coyly looks at me and suggests I should have my knot looked at and take the remainder of the day off (which, by the way, has only like 2 and a half hours till I leave anyway). I agree with him, promising to get medical attention for my bruises and sign out for the day.
So, I make the right into the parking lot of Dunkin Donuts (what? An iced mocha-caramel swirl latte cures most ailments right?) I hear the warning siren from the police vehicle that was obviously tailing me. So I do what most law abiding woman do…I fix my hair, wipe the lipstick off my teeth and smile. Well, today just wasn't my day, not only was it a female trooper she wrote me a ticket for failing to come to a complete stop!! Like who makes up these stupid traffic laws anyway?? I accept my ticket and enter the Dunkin Donuts which has a line as long as the Batman ride at Great Adventure…but I get online. After fifteen minutes of fighting off blacking-out I finally reach the register and place my order. However, my euphoria is abruptly ended when the search for my money ends in vain-remembering that I left it on my nightstand this morning!!! As the clerk impatiently asks for the money I hear a familiar masculine voice say," I got it". You're not gonna believe this…it was my boss!! He pays for my latte and tells me, between clenched teeth, to go home. Totally busted I just smile, thank him and head to my car.
Unfortunately, as I took my the fist step off the curb my 3 inch Nine West heel slipped into a crack causing me to fall spilling my latte on the ground before me. As I lay there, embarrassed, defeated and shamed by my own stupidity combined with my attention span-which is consistent with that of a fruit fly's I can't help but to think...Damn...and I still haven't read my Cupid messages!
Ms. Redding is a real user of Cupid.com writing a book about her dating experiences, online and off. The Good, the Bad, and the As If!!! If you are a publisher, contact her immediately! Don't steal her content or she'll kick your a**.
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