Dating Diary, Installment 7: Biggest Fan...
Recently, I went to see the Yankees play ball. I was accompanied by the man of my dreams. Ladies and gentlemen when I say man of my dreams with no exaggeration do I say he is smart, sexy, goal oriented, thoughtful, handsome, humorous, clever and did I mention he has the sex appeal of four Greek gods?! You get the picture.
Well, thanks to Cupid I was reunited with this longtime crush after browsing the newest photo section one night. Ok, so here's the background info, met him a year ago, he totally wanted to hook up but I was still sexually repressed and refused to give into my carnal desires so I declined the offer and silently kicked myself everyday thereafter. Since then, I have had the biggest crush on this guy but never see him. The funny thing is he has no idea that I will bear his kids, wash his boxers and wear a French Maid's uniform with Stilettos everyday if he said so.
Anyhoo, despite being a die hard Yankee fan I couldn't tell you one thing that happened during the game because I was literally hanging off his every word except during an occasional interruption of some poor bastard in the stands being boo'd for wearing a Red Sox shirt or hearing the slurred version of a vendor with a lisp yelling, Peeenux! Get your Peeenux! Outside of that I watched his lips moved as he said...whatever he said and I watched his eyes look at my cleverly obvious cleavage and I thought to myself... "Oh god, please give me the strength to keep my panties on later"! But as my willpower-crushing luck would have it half way through the 7th inning he said, "Wanna get out of here ? I absolutely lost it!!! In my mind, I beat him to the car, had my seatbelt on and was looking for a condom by the time he caught up with me. I know it sounds fast but when I say I had a crush on this guy... I MEAN A MEGA CRUSH!! So, I quickly come back to earth and respond all nonchalant like a lady "sure let's go".
The whole ride to his place I'm mentally spazzing at the thought of totally making out with him to the point that my palms were sweating. With every word he said I envisioned his hands on a different part of my body and my mouth all over his. If lustful thoughts were a crime, I would have been arrested on a felony charge of sexual misconduct.
During the ride he is being witty and trying to have an intellectual conversation with me and I'm like thinking... Hmmm does he wear boxers or briefs?! Should I just start the make-out session now?! I wonder if he has been with a woman of color before?! As if he heard my thoughts he winked and touched my cheek with his hand. At that point I realized that he is the equivalent of The Lockness Monster, Big Foot, Aliens... all things grand and mysterious that we hear about but never see and those who see it are far and few!!!
So, needless to say I make the executive decision to lose all inhibitions and go for it and go all the way to home base with him!! Once at his place, we eat, drink, laugh, drink, flirt and drink some more. Now, here's where it gets fuzzy... I remember kissing, totally making out and I can recall hearing him say... "Wow, she is actually out cold, oh sh*%"! Apparently, in an effort to lose all inhibitions I drank myself into a sleepy haze causing him to place a blanket over me and slide "himself" into home plate. Yup ladies and gents I tried to take one for the team and instead I managed to ruin all chances of making it to the "play-offs"! You feel me?! The drive home with him was slightly awkward and mostly filled with thoughts of me kicking myself in the ass repeatedly. He was a gentleman and assured me that he was ok with it and we planned to meet up again. Lesson learned for me and the next time I'll have one of him... hold the alcohol please!
Ms. Redding is a real user of Cupid.com writing a book about her dating experiences, online and off. The Good, the Bad, and the As If!!! If you are a publisher, contact her immediately! Don't steal her content or she'll kick your a**.
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