Why Having Too Much Choice Is Actually Spoiling Your Chances Of Meeting Someone
by Louanne Ward
In this day and age, with so many online dating sites and apps available, the choices are endless, so we decide to cover all our bases. We join as many online dating sites, services and apps as psychically possible, swipe away endlessly, and communicate with as many people as possible.
As much as you may think you’re increasing your chances by covering all your bases, you’re really doing yourself a disservice, as this can actually be quite detrimental to your end result.
The sweet spot
Why? – Because the human brain has a sweet spot of choice. Simply put, when there is too much choice, you just can’t choose! This is a psychological wheel turning through your brain.
For example, imagine you live in a small country town with a population of around five hundred people and you know all of these people. Imagine a new and available person comes into town; it is likely that you are going to reach out to them and do your best to get to know them – Right? And whether you are initially attracted to them or not, because you don’t have a lot of choice around you, you’re still likely to want to spend time with them to get to know them. With online dating, we don’t always spend this time to get to know them, because we simply have too much choice!
Another example of the sweet spot is if you are purchasing a car, or an item for your children, you usually have an idea of what you are looking for. However, if you lined up ten jelly beans in front of your children (or in front of anyone for that matter), and asked them what their favourite flavour was, they would likely be able to quickly choose their favourite flavour. Whereas, if you lined up fifty jelly beans, it is highly unlikely they would be able to make a choice – Too many choices!
This is of course, is exactly the same when dating! When we have hundreds of potential options sitting in front of us, it is extremely difficult to make a choice. In many cases, we end up becoming too fussy, and creating a list with which every match needs to tick all of the boxes, prior to us even agreeing to meet them.
Take the time, one app at a time
If you are sitting on a date thinking “Oh, he’s really nice”, or “She’s really pretty”, “But I think I can do better!”, then you are not doing yourself any favours, because what grows… is where you water.
By continuously turning over the dating wheel, over and over again, hoping to find someone better, you aren’t actually giving yourself any time to water and you’ll probably find yourself on this wheel for a very long time!
In my Matchmaking firm, I actually have an agreement with my clients, wherein they must meet their matches at least two to three times. Why? – Because often when you meet someone for the first time, you’re not actually seeing the true representation of that person. People are often shy or nervous, so it is important to give them a real shot.
To increase your chances of finding the person who is right for you, choose one app or online dating site, communicate with a small group of people, rather than a large one and take the time to really get to know them, rather than constantly trying to find something better.
The person sitting in front of you is actually the person whom you should be getting to know. And you know what? You may end up finding that they are actually the best person for you!
Another reason it’s best to stick to one online dating site or app at a time, is that when someone new comes onto the online dating scene, they usually download multiple apps and sign up to multiple dating sites to have a look around. If they see you on all of these sites and apps, there is a possibility they may gain a negative perception of you – Such as, thinking you’re a player or that there may be something wrong with you.
Please remember that by trying to cover all your bases, you’re actually not increasing your chances. In fact, you’re doing yourself a disservice by making it harder on yourself.
So, decide on one app or online dating site, connect with a small number of matches and take the time to really get to know them, you may surprise yourself and meet someone sooner than you think.
Looking for more dating tips? Perhaps you are interested in my Matchmaking or Date Coaching services? – Visit my website for more information today!
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