The Wingman – How to select your wingman

wingman in bar

Before any good man can begin to enter the battlefield, he must be prepared with the right tools, with more on that in other posts, I will focus solely on the most important one here… the actual wingman. Of course you may just say to yourself ‘I have Keith! He’s the best friend there is!’ however your leery beer mate probably won’t cut the mustard in a huge range of scenarios begging the question; can I do better?

Now it may come as no surprise that this section is vital and so buckle up and I shall provide a list of pitfalls and pros as to selecting your fellow wedding/funeral crasher.

  1. Looks and resources
    Now no woman wants to be chatted up by a Hasselhoff to then be introduced to a Goonies Sloth, your wingman must never be more than one point in attractiveness above you or you may be left with the basket of chicken wings for company. That being said, any less than a 3/10 and you may as well chance the lone ranger technique. With regard to resources, he doesn’t need to be wadded, just so long as he can buy a drink or two and hold his own.
  2. Sober/drunken personality
    Personality is very important and this is a subject which will require extensive exploration in a later post but for now let’s just say- be yourself. The issue here is the ability for your wingman to hold his drink and not be carried off mid-schmoose or even worse, be completely obnoxious when he’s had a few jars. The amount of conversations which quickly go sideways because of one cheeky white lie being caught or one risqué comment is astounding. Make sure your man can handle that pressure loaded or otherwise (preparation drinks previously are advised).
  3. Loyalty
    This one is a mixed bag. Firstly, loyalty firstly means to you as you obviously don’t want him shafting you and leaving with the woman of your dreams but also, make sure he is free and single. There is nothing worse than getting embroiled in the dirty goings-on of your mate’s extra-curricular activities behind his girlfriend’s back.
  4. Stay-out-a-bility
    Simple one- if he is an early sleeper, he’s not a keeper. You don’t want to be trapped in a harem of women judging you before the game has even begun!
  5. Willingness to take a hit for the team
    We’ve all heard of the D.U.F.F theory. Every hot girl has a Designated Ugly Fat Friend around to make her feel good and as shallow as it may sound it’s very, VERY true. Now if your friend is one of the shallow types and is selective in his women, he may not be perfect for this type of man-duty. If you’re on to a winner with a girl but she feels she can’t leave her friend alone in a place, you need you wingman to be able to keep her friend happy, out of the way and interested in him. A kiss is not a contract, ladies.

So there we have it, some of the cardinal rules to selecting your wingman but remember, keep safe and ‘be excellent to one another!’ * Bill and Ted.

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