Here’s a unique cheesy horoscope for the next week that Wingman Barney worked out for you to be aware how your nearest future can look like!
- Aries (Mar 21st- Apr 19th) Well done for keeping chipper and chirpy when all around you are gloomy and in the dumps. Maybe spreading that love around will be beneficial to you a bit further along the line. You aren’t immune from a dark day yourself and next week is looking changeable.
- Taurus (April 20th- May 20th) Charging into everything again and getting things done half-arsed is your style and don’t let anybody stop you. You’re a maverick! You’re a whirlwind! You’re….still in need of employment like the rest of us…maybe a bit of calm focus is what’s needed this week.
- Gemini (May 21st- June 20th) Sunshine, lollypops and moonbeams are the order of the day (or week). Positivity will get you ahead on most weeks, but the glass-half-full approach will be especially well felt soon. It’ll be a great way to secure that little bonus you’ve been eying; not just monetarily either!
- Cancer (June 21st- July 22nd) Rather than acting like a child, maybe try putting on a level head with regard to the problems that are ahead this week. Yes, it’s not going to be a great one and headaches are on their way but that’s part of adulthood. Thankfully alcohol is also allowed in adulthood!
- Leo (July 23rd-August 22nd) Now your house is in order I dare you to mess it up!
‘No!’ you say? Obviously that is the correct answer so why would you just allow somebody to come and ruin your hard work this week? Keep your achievements safe and barricade in your gains, there are enemies afoot!
- Virgo (August 23rd – September 22nd) Seasonal blues are the hardest blues (except for Smurfs) to shake and they’ll rear their ugly head this week. Nobody would blame you for wanting some alone time under a duvet with some chocolate but don’t make it a habit. The next thing you’ll know you’ll have missed Christmas!
- Libra (September 23rd- October 22nd) There is a lot of jealousy about your preparedness for the upcoming festivities and it’s hard to believe they’re so near. Cruise through those negative vibes and ride the chill train all the way to the next week where madness will ensue…but more of that next week.
- Scorpio (October 23rd- November 21st) Just like Librans, you have done very well getting yourself in order. Unlike Librans, you have no time at all to chill your beans and kick back. You’ll be fired all sorts of strange, wonderful and eventually utterly useless tasks this week. Do your best my friend!
- Sagittarius (November 22nd- December 21st) This is it. The beginning of the season of parties and painful hangovers. Get ready to make some mistakes at work, spend too much money and generally regret everything until the actual celebrations begin. Keeps that cliché banner waving for the rest of us!
- Capricorn (December 22nd- January 19th) Making lists would be a great idea for you if you didn’t lose everything. Instead of balancing everything on that heavy mind of yours, try focussing on one thing at a time. The practise this week will serve you well for upcoming trials.
- Aquarius (January 20th- February 18th) Lucky you! Romance is all over the place so grab some of the feeling before it’s bundled into a drawer and left until next summer. Look to the more eeerrm… religious aspects of your life to help you push through any doubts about it. I don’t mean the drawer.
- Pisces (February 19th- March 20th) Avoiding a hospitalisation will be one heck of an achievement this week with all the busyness surrounding you. Don’t bother trying to blow off steam as it will just blow right back at you. My advice is to ride the wave and keep rolling until you come to a neat stop.