Here’s a unique cheesy horoscope for the next week that Wingman Barney worked out for you to be aware how your nearest future can look like!
1. Aries (Mar 21st- Apr 19th)
Your lack of exploration was apparent in your lateness to wake up for work. Oh dear. It seems some new, more productive resolutions are in order this week, perhaps some earlier nights? I’m not saying you need your beauty sleep, though.
2. Taurus (April 20th- May 20th)
Too many things to keep up with can be a hassle. If you reorganise this week to spread physical exercise or activities correctly your energy levels will be through the roof! Stay off the caffeine in that case, we know what trouble that would cause.
3. Gemini (May 21st- June 20th)
The love in your life seems to be foundering and that’s natural at this time of year. Bring a little sparkle to the darkness and do something unexpected perhaps. Nothing at this time will pick you up more if you set the fireworks off, especially in private, hehe.
4. Cancer (June 21st- July 22nd)
How has your adventuring been going? Don’t worry if it’s stalled a little, keep your eye on the prize and the prize will be yoooouuurs! Hooray! Don’t celebrate too much when it does though, good things come in twos whereas bad ones come in threes.
5. Leo (July 23rd-August 22nd)
Finding yourself going ok? I hope so. You have lots of lovely friends all around to help if you need it. Maybe there’s a particular friend or family member who you can borrow some energy from? They’ll be happy to help I bet! Keep going.
6. Virgo (August 23rd – September 22nd)
Burnout isn’t exactly around the corner for you but everything is going so well that the pessimist is starting to ask questions. Ignore the horrible git! Your positivity is amazing and you deserve any happiness coming your way.
7. Libra (September 23rd- October 22nd)
You crazy sausage you! Some of the decisions you’ve been making the week have been either inspired or reckless. Keep it steady this week/weekend, there is a lot of negativity about and you don’t want to fall into that trap, stay cool.
8. Scorpio (October 23rd- November 21st)
Staying smooth is the order of the day for Scorpios this week. Trundle along and have a few biscuits along the way if you like. Splashing out this week will be a bad idea and you know what happens when you get into money trouble…
9. Sagittarius (November 22nd- December 21st)
Eeep! You managed to escape some tricky persona problems this week to your credit. It’ll be much less problematic this week if you make sure you don’t stir the pot up and create a less-than-tasty soup of it all. Nobody likes bitter soup.
10. Capricorn (December 22nd- January 19th)
Ok! It’s time to stop all that dreaming and land back on this planet! A little balance is called for this week to allow for you to be able to have another dream filled week. It’ll come soon but first, get your work things and home life in order, there are lots to be done.
11. Aquarius (January 20th- February 18th)
The key to happiness this week resides in a few seemingly minor crazy decisions. It’s time for Aquarians to break the mould and become the centre of attention for once around this time. Show that odd little personality you have inside you.
12. Pisces (February 19th- March 20th)
Oooof! You didn’t see last week’s trials coming did you? We did, it’s part of the job. Well depending on your mood you could relax and get things on an even keel or otherwise go a bit mad and try out a few new things this week. I recommend the latter (as usual).