The Wingman – Essential tools

American Singles on date

Have you ever been in a situation where the right tool has just evaded you at the most pertinent moment leading to complete embarrassment or failure? Of course you have, unless you’re Chuck Norris who has no use for any tool but his big toe, we’ve all wished we’ve better prepared at times. Just as life imitates the art of wingmanning, the same applies when out scouting for the fairer sex which is why I’ve compiled a little list of some essentials plus some more unusual, optional items for your consideration before play time.

Aftershave bullet: Obviously you’ll be clean, fresh and smelling like an Arabian garden in summer before you go out however don’t underestimate the sweatiness of clubs/pubs/parties. One of these discreet little puppies should be able to keep you fresh throughout and considerably cheaper than ‘Marvin the creepy toilet attendant’.

Money:  Duh! Obviously if you forget this you’re a wally but what I actually mean is ENOUGH money. Remember, this isn’t a quiet night out with Chris and his snooker obsession down at the pool hall. You’ll want to be prepared to not only stand a few drinks for yourself and your main man, but also the lucky lady too. You may also want to do something interesting rather than stay in the same place God forbid! On the flip side, don’t bankrupt yourself, it’s just not worth all that.

Breath freshener/mints: Similar to the deodorant bullet, you don’t want to be smelling of kebab….or maybe you do….wait no! Definitely not. Although it would do it for me.

Mobile with charge: Don’t have your phone with 10% charge unless you have infallible pockets or incredible memory for numbers. Aside from the fact that nobody wants the crushing fear of ‘dead phone’ hanging over them whilst concentrating on being uber charming, you’ll need that number my friend. Also, there are many useful apps and uses for your phone but we’ll cover that another time.

Lighter: This is optional however nothing looks smoother than pulling out a zippo to attend to the lady’s cigarette. However, if you don’t smoke, don’t start kids, see bad breath above…or cancer.

Condoms/protection: You have sealed the deal with the lady’s number – but wait! This lovely lady has been knocked for six and wants to knock her boots with your boots repeatedly! Well done sir, a pat on the back for you and your friend. If you do choose to go ahead, make sure you’re both safe and show respect for both of yourselves by packing rubber (or alternative protection). You’ll only have yourselves to blame if you end up with a little legend on the way in 9 months.

Watch: This is one of the most impactful ones on the list. Have you ever noticed how much a watch changes your look from ‘irradiated waster’ to ‘put-together-guy’? No? Try it in the mirror next time you’re getting ready trust me- it just works. Do make sure it’s dress appropriate though and never buy those ridiculous colour watches, you’ll only end up looking as bad as they do.

Food: More of a tip than a tool but eating is not cheating. The energy you’ll get, you will need so nothing crap like McDonalds, nobody wants a drooling mess on their hands after 2 drinks and your concentration has to be sharp to impress this young lady.

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