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How to Stay Friends with Your Ex
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How to Stay Friends

How to Stay Friends with Your Ex

Recently my follower asked me:

Hi Wingman, I had breakup in May and then on 23 June she got engaged to somebody else. She gave me the reason that in three years she was not happy and my childish behaviour which she used to love, has become problem now. Also for her I have become an enemy, she didnt even wished me on my birthday. Tell me what should I do.

It’s hard to break up with someone who’s been your best friend and companion for months, or maybe even years on end. Breaking up is especially difficult if she moves on immediately, or he is always in your purview. What’s worse is if the breakup is so explosive that you can no longer stay friends. If you don’t want to lose your ex completely or become his/her mortal enemy, establish a platonic friendship by following these 7 steps.

1. Time Heals All Wounds

Time Heals All Wounds

Don’t rush a friendship. If your romantic relationship was strong, getting over each other in that way will take time. Both of you will need a moment to breathe and heal. Allow this time apart and take advantage of it by reexamining your relationship. Consider why your partner broke up with you and learn from it to become a better companion and friend.

2. Change Your Ways

Change Your Ways

She thinks you’re immature? Consider why she thinks so. If a girl says you’re childish, it often means she thinks you’re selfish, inconsiderate, unambitious and/or lazy. If you can change these things in yourself (and if they’re something you want to change), do so. Grow up.

He thinks you’re too superficial? Consider why. If a guy says you’re superficial, it often means he thinks you’re always shopping, constantly concerned with how you look, and/or obsessed with material things and money. If you can change these things in yourself (and if they’re something you want to change), do so. Don’t be shallow.

3. Contact Your Ex

Once you’ve given each other enough time to breathe and grow, contact your ex and see if he/she wants to meet. Emphasize the fact that you miss their companionship and want to stay friends, if at all possible. If your ex is hesitant, don’t push it. Be patient. He/she may just need more time.

4. Show Your Ex You’ve Changed

Show Your Ex You’ve Changed

If you do eventually meet again, don’t be awkward. Show your ex that the things he/she loved about you are still alive and well, and the things he/she didn’t like have been worked on. Your ex will be impressed that you’ve matured.

5. Convince Her You Want Her Friendship Back

Your ex may be suspicious that you’re interested in getting back together. Emphasize that the only thing you want is friendship. You miss your ex’s opinion, personality and companionship, but you were not good together as partners. Still, you want him/her in your life, so you hope to be friends.

6. Behave Accordingly

Don’t hit on your ex, criticize your ex’s current relationship, or make him/her uncomfortable, especially if your ex is with someone else and has moved on. If you truly want to remain friends, it’s paramount that you don’t cross the line.

7. Be Supportive

Be Supportive

If you’re even entertaining the notion of being friends with your ex, then you obviously value something in that person, and whatever it is that you value is worth moving past all the breakup BS and baggage. So now is the time to be there for your friend. Be the support that your ex initially loved in you without the sexual component, and your ex will support you in return.

Your ex doesn’t have to be your mortal enemy. Although your breakup may have been painful, if he/she is someone you want to keep in your life, it’s worth trying to remain friends. Follow these mature steps, and you may just build a new (and, perhaps, better) relationship with your ex: a friendship.

If you have a relationship question to Wingman Barney too, don’t hesitate to ask him in “Ask Wingman Barney” form.

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