The Wingman: Mistakes and Confidence

couple in bar

Perfecting the wingman technique involves a certain level of smoothness, charm and intelligence (or at least appearance thereof). This is why putting your foot in it and doing something downright stupid would be a wise thing to avoid unless you’re Hugh Grant and can splutter your way into making it seem charming. Assuming you’re not Mr Grant we can move on to today’s lesson of (avoiding) the more common mistakes of implementing your own brand of awesome:

So here is the scene; you’ve rocked up to the bar (not club) with your wingman, he or she has removed the necessary distractions and possibly warmed up the target/friends of target. You make your move, it’s going swimmingly and then….no dice, she’s just not that into you/isn’t single/has mental issues/you don’t like her.  This happens, not every attempt will be successful and honestly don’t take this to heart. What do you do next? Well, trust me on this – do NOT try this again in the same place or too soon afterwards. Apart from the classlessness in itself, women will be able to tell that they weren’t first choice one way or another due to one of their many telepathic and empathetic powers we so unfortunately do not possess. Trust me on this, never has it been attempted and pulled off directly after and in the same place as a recent blow off. I’m guessing that it’s something to do with ‘recently rejected’ pheromones that only women can sense or something and that’s as scientific as I can be on that.

The way you speak to a woman as well as the content of said speech is absolutely key. You can’t win over a heart with your dance display of ‘the robot’ alone I’m afraid. Be calm, pace your speech, speak clearly and don’t mumble. Your speech projects your confidence as well as your intelligence so also try to avoid a heavy accent if you have one. Alcohol being a social lubricant is useful to a point but never drink more than or substantially faster than the person you are engaging as it’s just not attractive and slurred speech is obviously going to affect your performance. If you think the woman isn’t keeping score with regards to your drinks, you’re right, she’s not, that is until it becomes noticeable and by then you’ve already lost the battle. This being said, if she doesn’t drink, in my opinion, why bother?

When conversing with the lovely lady across from you nervous chatter, nervous giggling and constantly adding utterances such as ‘erm’, ‘ah’ and ‘errrrrrr’ will make you appear much less authoritative and also slightly more dumb. Try practising pausing instead of unleashing these sounds and believe me, you’ll be surprised by how much more in control you sound. This is a technique that politicians are trained to use to sound like they know what they’re doing when in actual fact, we all know that many are bumbling idiots; now you know. There will be another article on the content of the speech at a later date.

Being too forward and over-confident can be just as dumb as appearing nervous. Some women are attracted to arrogant men however these women tend to be idiots. You’ll know them when you see them. Being confident is not about being pushy but rather knowing (or appearing to) know what you want and that you appear to know how to get it. Look at early James Bonds, despite the fact he sweats class, he never seems to be shy about getting what he wants…and also about making terrible ‘dad jokes’.

The final thing to add will be your body language. If you’re curled up in the foetal position on the dance floor, I’m afraid you’re doing it wrong. No hands in pockets, you’re not in school and hiding sweets, no folded arms, you’re not a football manager (I’m guessing) and no ‘crazy arms’, you’ll put an eye out. Move fluidly and stand straight, no slouching just as mother said and smile, the showbiz phrase ‘tatas and teeth’ is useful here. Try to keep eye contact also, you don’t want a death glare however you want to seem focused on the person. Nonchalance charmed no woman since James Dean did it and look how he ended up.

As always, present yourself well and give it your best shot. If it doesn’t work, try again….in another place preferably.

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