What can I do when I love a girl who’s already in a relationship?

love a girl

You’ve met a girl. She has the perfect smile; it lights up the room. She laughs at your jokes and touches your arm. She’s stunning, smart, sophisticated, and just plain “gets you.” But guess what, fella – she’s taken.

It’s a rare case to find a winner who checks all the boxes and is single. But the fact that she’s taken doesn’t mean you stop wanting her. So what do you do about it? In the end, if the girl who’s won your heart already has someone on her arm, you have three options:

  • Lay in wait for the relationship to fall apart,
  • Propel the relationship in that direction, or
  • Wake the hell up: there are billions of women in the world!

Let’s look at each option, in turn.

Lay in Wait

There are several feasible reasons you might choose this option. For one, you might not be a total douchebag and would prefer to wait it out in case she truly is happy with her current boyfriend. If she’s deeply in love, you’ll also have a tougher time breaking up the relationship, especially if you don’t have a foot in the door. Even more importantly, her current boyfriend could be a good guy or one of your friends. All decent reasons to lay in wait and hope that the girl of your dreams has a falling out with her man and stumbles right into your arms. In order to make sure no rival swoops in at the last second, make sure you’re there to catch her. Build a prior connection with her – a friendly one – while ensuring you haven’t landed yourself in the “friend zone” by pushing the envelope with some light-hearted flirtation prior to your crush’s inevitable break-up.

Propel the Breakup Forward

If you choose to go the shadier route and take this relationship down, you’re gonna need some game. Straight-up smack-talk about her current boyfriend will get you nowhere. She’ll see right through it and think of you as vile and manipulative rather than how you want her to see you…which is better than her boyfriend. Instead, lend her an ear and, slowly but surely, become her advisor. Be subtle. If you know there are problems in the relationship, provoke conversation about the boyfriend in a casual way and then offer “friendly” advice. Persuading her to leave him won’t be easy. But nudging her in the right direction by highlighting why she’s “too good for him” or he’s “not enough for her,” without being quite so on-the-nose, will demonstrate you value her, while also planting the seed of an idea that you – the perfect guy – could be a viable replacement for her not-so-perfect boyfriend.


The last option, of course, is to wake the hell up and realize you’re in a world with billions of women. Some of the good ones are taken, yes. But others are out there, waiting. Instead of fawning like a lovesick pup over your best friend’s girl, maybe it’s time you open your eyes, look around you, and realize there’s plenty of other fish in the sea.

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